3. Sugar-free, no added sugar, sugarless
Sugar-free?! I know you've made a joke at least once that included the sugar of the product is, free. Very funny buddy but let's leave the funnies to me. Anyways, what exactly does "sugar-free" mean? Well Norman, it obviously means that there isn't any sugar in it. Said you in your head. But does it mean that the product is healthier for you? Isn't sugar the main cause for obesity, tooth-decay, and diabetes?!
Don't do it Mr.Ant! You'll get tooth decay and diabetes!
Sure, you're right. Absolutely right. But hold on, how do they make "Mr.Awesome's Super Sweet Chocolate of Indulgence" without adding sweet delectable sugar? By adding artificial sweeteners, that's how. Instead of natural, wholesome sugar, we have artificially sweeten snacks that may have the same amount of calories if not more compared to sugar-sweeten foods and drinks. Not only that, but we have no idea how harmful the artificial sweeteners may be to our bodies, as far as you know it can possibly be even more harmful than sugar.
But hold on, I can't possibly say "Eat sugar! Sugar is good for you!" as I get paid by the pro-sugar lobbyist, right?
2. Made from natural ingredients
Natural ingredients? Hot dang! I'll take seven! Hold on a second, what does it mean to be "made from natural ingredients?" It must mean that the food is cultivated from bushes and trees and put together by hand in magical little houses full of elves and dwarves! Those Gushers I ate yesterday must have been grown and harvested by the hands of angels and faeries! If the use of mythical and non-existent creatures isn't enough, I'll make it obvious for you.
The truth is, "made from natural ingredients" is as good as saying "Oil is good for everyone because it's made from natural ingredients. Also, I have no idea what I'm talking about." Saying that something is "all-natural" is as good as saying Coca-Cola grows straight from trees, bottle and all.
The real problem is, the government has almost zero clear rules for the use of the word "natural". While the government restricts false or misleading advertisements, businesses don't tend to walk around helping old ladies across the streets and volunteering at the local homeless shelter. They don't mind stretching the truth a little to get you to buy their product.
In some cases, "made from natural ingredients" can be absolutely true and use whole apples and fruits in their jams and jellies. On the other hand, most uses of the term is used to twist the truth in order to sell their product. While their ingredients may all start off as "all-natural", after processing, the aftermath may not appear to be "natural"; such as that "cool-blue ketchup".
Heinz Ez-Squirt Funky Purple: Hand Picked; Straight From The Trees
1. Serving Sizes
Ever stand around and compare favorite drink/food nutritional facts in order to completely dominate your friend? Sure, I do too. Isn't the rush of knowing that your soda only has 110 calories compared to your friend's 320 calorie drink invigorating? It's almost too good to be true. Maybe it is.
Pictured: Complete dominance in nutritional proportions
Have you ever looked at the back of your drink and noticed that it said 2.5 servings per container or bottle? What that means is that you need to times your nutritional value table by, two point five. While this type of measurement is certainly useful for drinks and foods sold by the pound, it isn't really useful for selling 16 oz. single serve sodas. However, it's certainly useful for marketing companies to market their products at a seemingly average calorie per drink.
Instead of telling you that a bottle of coke is 300-400 calories and that it actually contains a hundred grams of sugar, they'll tell you that "it only contains 25 calories" per serving. I mean think about it, do you really think that they expect you to eat exactly eleven chips from your 30 cent packet of nachos, and call it a day?
"I just ate one third of this blade of grass. Day completed." - You?
