Tuesday, December 27, 2011

An Argument Against Multitasking

We're all busy people right? At the given opportunity, wouldn't it be better to hit two birds with one stone? To nail that upcoming final essay and build a sailboat with good ol' grandad? Of course! What could possibly go wrong with that? For one, you may find that both birds are only moderately injured and they come back with an avian army with a vengeance. Maybe you should have used two proper stones instead. Maybe six-ten stones to make sure they were dead would have been better.

Maybe calling your friends to bring their guns over would be a even better idea.

Recently, due to the technical buzz of the recent decade, people have found it more productive to do two, three things at once. But rather than support these self-destructive tendencies, we shall challenge them. Bluntly stated, multitasking is one of those things that accomplish the complete opposite of what you want to get done. The main idea of multitasking is getting the maximum amount of things done in a allotted amount of time. The problem is, you'll probably end up doing below your average levels of productivity by trying to do two or more tasks at once. Why? we'll tell you.

First off, you weren't multitasking in the first place; your brain simply cannot do two conscious tasks at the same time. In reality, your brain is actually doing one task and quickly transitioning to another so quickly that you cannot perceive it. When you're driving your car and texting on your phone, you're actually switching between texting and driving with the help of visual cues, (Such as bright headlights shining into your dashboard as you drive onto the wrong road) auditory cues, (Such as your phone ringing to alert you that somebody has responded to your hilarious comments) and other such cues from your various senses.

Maybe those cute owl pictures can wait until after you escape a high-speed pursuit by terrorists.
Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Why, hello there again. As you know, it's the end of the year and almost the start of the new one. But strangely enough, I believe that this weekend happens to include both Christmas Eve and Christmas. A yearly commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ or another day to give gifts, sing songs, eat food, and love each other. Regardless of your reason for celebrating Christmas or even how you do it, it's one of those holidays meant to be enjoyed and remembered. Because of this, we wish you a Merry Christmas from this side of the internet, into your glowing computer screen.

On another note, we won't post any articles until the holiday is over on Monday. Why? Because Christmas is no time to be on the computer, reading strangely awesome articles from your neighborly blog, Skyakes. (Sadly enough.) Go and enjoy your weekend; we'll see you on Monday.

Merry Christmas,
Skyakes' Staff

Thursday, December 22, 2011

3 Crazy Ways To Boost Your Immune System

As you know, it's winter. Thanks to the support of corporate advertisements on the media, you also know that everybody gets sick during the winter and therefore you should must buy brand-named tissues with expensive lotion inside of them. Putting those lotion smeared napkins aside, nobody wants to get sick right? Of course! You're a busy guy/gal with things to do and people to see; you don't have time for a nasty cold to punch you in your face when you least expect it. Below, I'm going to give you three "out-of-this-world" methods of boosting your immune system.

Unless they find you beyond this world.

Get Sick More Often

Don't worry, that's no typo. If you want to boost your immune system, don't fall into the social-norm of avoiding as much microbes as possible. Instead, expose yourself to as many diseases (non-fatal ones, obviously) as possible, in order to build up your passive defense. Do you enjoy sanitizing your phones and door knobs every weekend? Of course not! Just don't do it and embrace the disease! It's like taking the disease head-on, to settle the score once and for all.

Depicted: Being weak-sauce.
Monday, December 19, 2011

3 Of The Worst Gifts Ever To Give On Christmas

As you can probably deduce from your cheery surroundings, Christmas is almost here. It's about time to reach deep in your pockets and buy gifts for the people you most care about. But before you pull out those glass pencil holders, allow me to introduce to you, the four worst gifts to ever gift to anyone. (Unless you despise them secretly and you wish to act passive aggressive towards them.)

3. Trinkets At The 99-Cents Store

What's that? A shiny glass pencil holder that I'll probably never use? Gee, thanks, I'll certainly use it- for a week. One thing that people love buying for their friends, co-workers, and even families at last moment occasions are small-to-large, moderately cheap items they find at the local dollar store or grocery store. We've all seen these gifts; they range from pens/pencil holders, elaborate snow globes that are malformed, or even a dozen "business" pens that have ink equivalent to the amount of water on the sun.

Why do they suck? First things first, the fact that you picked up the gift from your local dollar store shows almost no effort in gift buying. Worst yet, the gifts usually cost next to nothing,  usefulness equal to the cost, and physical quality striping any practical use of it. (If you can find any use for it in the first place.)

This, is a fire truck.
Thursday, December 15, 2011

How To Survive a Long Fall

Haven't we all wondered what we would do in the worst case scenario of falling from a ten-story-building or plane? Of course you have, those horrifying nightmares of falling into the deep abyss, shortly before waking up and grabbing your bed in sheer terror have taught you better. But before you turn away and exclaim that surviving a ten-story fall is impossible, allow me to point out the hundreds of people that have survived even greater falls, after falling in a specific manner. (Both intentionally, and unintentionally.) So the next time you're standing six floors above the ground, remember these steps.

It'll be like this, but the smiles and excitement would be replaced by death.

1. Slow down your fall

Considering that earth's acceleration due to gravity is 9.81 m/s^2, you might want to consider slowing down your fall. But it obviously can't be as easy as snapping your heels together and expecting to find yourself in a luscious green forest alone. Actually, it can. All you need to do (and can do) is attempt to increase your surface area in order to allow good ol' air resistance to work its magic.

All you need to do is to spread yourself out, stomach facing the earth, head and legs reaching for the skies, arms outstretched, elbows and knees slightly bent, and you're as good as gold. You may have seen this position in the thousands of movies that have included sky diving, the difference is, you don't have a parachute. You can actually shave off up to 80 mph off your speed as you reach terminal velocity if you stay in this position instead of going head/feet down.

So, no. They don't do this to simply look lame.

However this step only applies to you if you're certain that you have 30 seconds or more of air time otherwise, you'll just end up landing in a awkward position.

Also: While you're anticipating impact, find a nice place to land

If all you see below you are large slabs of cement, you can attempt to direct your body towards another direction. As you can probably guess, hard, rough surfaces are possibly the worst places you can land. Look for long slopes or soft surfaces that can help absorb some of the force. Also, remember that when you're trying to move around, don't act like you're swimming in water; staying in the position described above, simply twist your body towards the direction you wish to go, like a plane or bird.

Did you know: If you fall from an airplane, you can get up to three minutes of fall time, which can give you a few miles of turning space before you hit the ground.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Horrifying Tuesday : Antlion

It's that time of the week again, Horrifying Tuesday. Today, we're going to talk about a creature that brings your sand-dune-sink-hole nightmares to a reality. (On a miniature scale of course.) Allow me to introduce you to the Antlion or better known as, the "doodlebug" due to the mysterious marks it leaves behind in the sand. (Which happens to resemble doodles in the sand by young child)

These lines must indicate that young-hearted fiends are nearby!

With no relation to the Antlion in the Half-Life series, these creatures are well known for their sand pit traps which comprise of capturing small, unsuspecting creatures in a rapidly decaying pits. It all starts with a humble-sized larva and its basic instinct in the big, bad world. The larva would dig a pit into the sand about 2 inches deep and 3 inches wide at the edge, creating a downward-facing cone shape in the sand. (Unless they manage to bend the laws of physics and make the sand particles stand with magic.)

Luckily for you, these are the video game versions.
Monday, December 12, 2011

4 Of The Most Annoying Facebook Posts

Chances are, you live in the 21st century, and if you do, you've probably heard of this website called Facebook. (If you haven't, it's a a wonderful marketplace for selling pastries and popsicles. You should check it out.) Inside of this website, it is likely to find millions of little devious creatures of the night that scratch comments onto mystical contraptions called "walls". Today, we're going to discuss the top four most annoying Facebook posts that are commonly seen in modern culture.

4. Passive Aggressive Posts

We can usually observe these activities among the weaker portion of the species. (Although all members are still susceptible) Late at night, often exhausted and beyond the normal capacity of logic and reason, these lifeforms fall into the perfect conditions needed to strike their foes passively with little to no shame or regret. Through extremely vague terminology, analogies, quotes, poems, we can easily discern the difference between these passive aggressive passages towards unknown individuals and   everyday articles from mom and pop. Here are some examples:

  1. "wtf. i wish he would just leave my life 4ever."
  2. "go shoot yourself."
  3. "i saw her with him again today. if only i had a car........ rofl jk........... 6_6"

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Horrifying Wednesday : Blowfish (Fugu)

We've all heard of the legendary Fugu pufferfish, one of the world's most poisonous fish that people actually consume without being severely beaten and threaten first. Why's that? Because almost the entire fish is toxic and will murder you horribly. Now, without further ado, I present you the Fugu.

"I do not respect you." - Fugu

In Japanese, "Fugu" literally means "river pig" and is commonly used to refer to the "pufferfish" in general. This fish is well known for it's lethal neurotoxins that can kill you in the worst way possible. So if neurotoxin didn't quite scare you off yet, hopefully death by asphyxiation will. If digested, the toxin will paralyze muscles, and muscles only. What this means is that you'll remain perfectly conscious throughout the entire process before you die. The method in which you will die is simply put, suffocating in air.

When I said that the toxin will paralyze you, I wasn't talking about that awesome buzz you get from drinking, I'm talking about every single muscle in your entire body, including your lungs and heart. Eventually, your body will be unable to provide enough oxygen to the body from both inadequate oxygen intake by your lungs, and inefficient oxygen distribution via. heart. So while you won't feel a thing, you'll practically fall into a motionless, immovable sack of flesh as you slowly black out as you watch everyone scream in panic and point at you. For this same reason, Fugu is the only food that is officially forbidden for the Emperor of Japan for his own safety and was banned in multiple time periods in Japan and currently banned in the European Union.

Such deliciousness!
Monday, December 5, 2011

3 Effects Of Sleep Deprivation - Why You Should Sleep Earlier

When was the last time you've had a full 8 hours of sleep? Last night?! Well never mind then mister "I sleep a healthy average of hours deemed healthy by doctors around the world", obviously you're too good for us everyday Jills and Jims. For everybody else in the world, we probably sleep a little less than what doctors recommend, which is 10 hours for children, 9 hours for teenagers, and about 7-8 hours for adults. But what's the harm, right? What's the worst that could happen?

You could spontaneously combust. There's food for thought.

3. Weaken Immune System

Remember your good ol' immune system? How it would take care of you day and night, ensuring that parasites, viruses, bacteria, and fungi don't simply march into your body and start decomposing you while you're still alive? Well, regardless of how many vitamins and exercises you eat or do, (Surely, you don't exercise vitamins) your body can still become susceptible to disease by simple things you fail to do daily. Ranging from basic hygiene to your mind-set, your conscious and unconscious mind can play a big role in the physiology of your working, functioning body.

One sure-fire way to weaken your immune system is to deprive your body of sleep. Instead of allowing your body to re-build it's natural defenses and fight the evils of the world another day, you can sit around on your computer all day and slowly destroy your immune system. The result is as obvious as for any weaken immune system; you'll find yourself contracting diseases more often and that the diseases last much longer in your body due to your body's inability to fight the disease quickly and effectively. Sounds like fun, sign me up.

Congratulations, you are now a proud owner of a weaken immune system.
Thursday, December 1, 2011

4 Common Forms of Gang Initiations

Since the humble beginnings of mankind's need to group together and mankind's need to join such groups, people have created some form of "rite of passage" to test a individual's loyalty and willingness to abide by the group's code of ethics and rules. On the other hand, you get to make people do ridiculous things that you can all laugh about a few weeks later. Thankfully for gangs, they won't ask you to do "ridiculous" tasks such as wearing underwear on your head for the next two weeks; they'll expect you to accomplish big tasks or endure large challenges in order to earn lifetime membership of said gang. Four common gang initiations are listed below.

If only it was as easy as this.

4. Beat Down

The most common form of gang initiation is one you would expect from these type of people. In order to prove yourself as worthy to be in said gang, you must endure getting beat up by either a specific large individual, or the entire gang itself. I'm not talking about a little "middle-school" round of bloody knuckles either, you could (will) be thrown against the ground, jumped on repeatedly, smashed in the face a hundred times, kicked in the privates another hundred times, and punched in the gut all while people hold you down and restrain you. (Some gangs may even use weapons such as baseball bats)

Some more recent gangs have resorted to even more barbaric initiations.

If you're lucky, you could expect a couple bruises on your face and back along with a few scrapes and cuts on your legs. In other cases, you could be beaten to the point of permanent psychological and/or physical damage. Worst yet, some people have been known to die from such initiations.

Alterations have been made of this initiations such as receiving a single semi-fatal blow into the sternum, being forced to fight and beat your future gang "amigos", fighting your way out of a circling group of pain and even picking up randomly dispersed pennies off the ground as you push through a crowd of gang members trying to beat your eyes out of their sockets.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Horrifying Tuesday: The Mantis Shrimp

The Mantis Shrimp is possibly one of the most innovative creatures of the ocean due to its cleverness and undeniably powerful jabs. If you thought that you were a good boxer, wait until you meet this little guy and get introduced to a whole new world of pain. But how could a small marine crustacean pose any threat to your masculinity? It may or may not be related to the fact that they're common referred as "sea locusts" and "thumb splitters".

"Why hello there, my good man!" - The Mantis Shrimp

To emphasize how hardcore these creatures are, the Mantis Shrimp are commonly placed into two different groups depending on which type of claw they have. There are "Spearers" which have spiky appendages with barbed tips, which are used to rapidly stab and break prey. The other group is called "Smashers" which have their appendages in a blunter form which gives them a more developed club that can be used to smash their victims apart like a hammer, while making their stabbing less effective as a result. But you can't win them all, right?

But despite only having a "spear" or a "club", these creatures are capable of taking on and killing much larger victims with these rudimentary weapons. They are commonly known for their unbelievable quickness in both spear and club, capable of firing a single jab/smash at the same acceleration of a .22 caliber bullet. Their lunging punch can be shot at their prey with an acceleration of nearly 335,000 ft/s^2. What does this all mean? It means that by the time you finish your first punch, this little guy would probably be starting dinner.

"Would you like a plate? I've made way too much for my own appetite." - The Mantis Shrimp
Monday, November 28, 2011

Things You Don't Want - Fatal Familial Insomnia

Since it's the season of giving and receiving, one of the most talked topic of the month is "getting things". From Black Friday to "Cyber Monday", getting things for cheap is all the rage. However, while you can probably get a great deal at your local Best Buy or internet retailer that you'll love, I'll give you one thing that you probably wouldn't want, for free. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to, Fatal Familial Insominia, a disease so horrible that it'll practically turn your brain into a ticking time-bomb.

Pictured: Fatal Familial Insomnia?

Fatal familial insomnia or FFI, is one of the rarest diseases of the brain that you can inherit in the entire big, bad world. Only 40 families in the entire world have been recorded to have such disorder in which their DNA contains a mutated version of the gene PrPc. If you're in one of the lucky few families, it only takes one parent to give their offspring (You!) a 50% chance of taking on the gene and developing the disease later in life. Luckily, you can still get this disease spontaneously without any family history indicating the disorder. (In which case it would be called sporadic fatal insomnia, SFI, or extremely unlucky.)

But what does FFI/SFI do exactly? We've all heard of the words "insomnia" and "fatal", so it has to do something with inability to sleep and death, right? Right you are! You're on a roll today! But kidding aside, FFI is an incurable disease that involves a slow painful path to death. People that suffer from FFI typically have 18 more months to live before they finally succumb to the dementia-like symptoms of the disease and die.

Move unrelated.
Saturday, November 26, 2011

3 Reasons To Get Shorter Hair

Have you had your fill of turkey meat and super-early shopping this weekend yet? Me too. It's about time to hang your coat, put your new game consoles in the closet, and put your feet up with a sigh of content, right? Nope, you've probably got work, school, or work-finding to do on Monday. Life never gives you a break, does it? However, despite the amount you work on weekdays, there's one thing that'll follow you from weekday to weekend. Your hair. Unless you find yourself as a victim as a horrific radiation incident between the time you read this until Monday morning, this article probably applies to you.

Unless you're a BALD Eagle, if you catch my "drift".

I'm here to present the case of short hair. Have short hair already? Great! Move along with your shoulders high and chest bloated! You deserved it! Hold on, you've got long hair? What type of witchery are you trying to pull on me! (Thankfully, we're not in the same room.) Ignoring how far or how close you may be to my person, short hair is the optimal hair length for almost every gender. Why? I'll give you three reasons why you should reconsider your hair length below.

3. Hair In Your Face

Every person that has ever had long hair has been faced with this problem, me included. Unless you tie up your hair in a bun-shaped manner, (which isn't a very acceptable social norm for males) your hair will be in your face. Depending on hair length, you may get the standard "hair-in-eyes" annoyance, all the way to the  "grudge-girl-scare-everyone-away" appearance every time you bend over and look back up without adjusting your hair. We've all been there.

Especially her.

Since I've had relatively long hair for a majority of my life, I understand these pains. The agony of getting loose hairs fall into my eye or having to push hair away from my face every time I look down. It's horrific! The itching and irritating specks of wonder-hair that never leaves your eye socket by choice, or the hair that constantly hangs in front of your eyes, blocking your view of the outside world. It can even go as far as covering your vision by simply looking down to do your homework or take a test. Nobody should have to live that way!

Unless you want to get a mullet to preserve your "youthful-angst" or such, cut your dang hair, hippie.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

As you may know, tomorrow's Thanksgiving!  A time to give thanks for the things we have and to eat turkey along with miscellaneous other foods, with family! A time for family and friends to come together and binge eat for two to three hours, followed by ten hours of occupied toilets. (I mean, the food's gotta go somewhere, right?)

Well it's not going to digest itself.

For that single reason, we're going to hold off from any articles until the holiday is over so that you can spend more time with your family and less time reading my master-crafted articles that excel any other blog on the internet by yours truly. Am I exaggerating in the slightest?

I knew this image was a keeper!

Anyways, regardless of the amount of food and friends you have around the table tomorrow night, lets remember all the things we've been given to work with in life and give great thanks to whomever has given them to us. Lets not stupid-fy the holiday to simple feast with family, or as a holiday that simply doesn't apply to you since you don't celebrate it with cranberry juice in one hand and a turkey leg in the other. Lets not spend another day of our lives in front of our TV/computer screen and take a moment out of a day to reflect.

Before we let you go back to families and lives, some of you might be wondering what we are thankful for. Well that's none of your business, move along now. Just kidding, simply adjust your eyes slowly towards your nose and scroll down with your mouse until you see inconspicuously placed paragraphs. 

If you see this turkey, you're going in the right direction.

What We're Thankful For:
"Firstly, I'm thankful for having a job. I can have a steady souce of income to carry myself and help out others when necessary as I continue school.

Next, I'm thankful for family and friends who through this past year, I've been able to build deeper relationships with. I've learned a lot about some people and gotten much closer with them, which is very edifying and joyful to become close with them.

Lastyle, I'm thankful for God and the church that I go to which is what really keeps me going a lot of the times where I feel hopeless and lost. The very people I have become close with come from this very church and so I am thankful that it is there for me, both the building and the people."

"I'm grateful for the support I've received from this blog. It's hard to put a number, or even words to describe how I feel about the support that I get from this blog. As it started only a few months ago, we've undoubtedly expanded beyond my small social group and we've began to outreach people from around the country, and the world. Regardless of expansion, I wouldn't be writing here today if it wasn't for the comments and kind words I've received about my articles and writings throughout these tough times. It's extremely hard to explain the psychological "lift" that I get after a long day of school and writing from a simple "Hey, nice article."

In a personal note, I'm thankful for all my friends and family that have supported me throughout the year and my overall life. As I've grown and matured in the past few years, I've realized the large contributions people have made in acts of selflessness that have really effected my life and the other people around them. Thinking back, without these specific people who have help shaped me and guided me to who I am today, I would be feel great shame and pity for what I could have become as a result. 

While I'm not the most sociable and pronounced guy in person, I am truly grateful for practically every person I've come across, as they have greatly impacted my life for the better. Some of the people I know that I've yet to thank due to social, physical and emotional barriers, I would like to thank you today. Thank you."

Now that we've told you what we're thankful for, why don't you exchange the favor and tell us what you're thankful for on this faithful day/evening? Don't worry, we won't charge you a dime. (Like we totally used to do.)

Here's a autumn-themed image to lighten the mood. 

Happy Thanksgiving,
Skyakes Staff

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Horrifying Tuesday: Sydney Funnel-Web Spider

Ah, it's that time of the week again! The sky's shining, the air's crisp, and children play in the fall leaves, what else could be added to that equation to make a better day? You know where this is leading, Horrifying Tuesday! Today, we're going to talk about one of the most deadliest and aggressive spiders known to man, the Sydney Funnel-Web Spider. So yeah, if you're a little jumpy around spiders, you should probably close this page and turn on your TV to watch some children cartoons.

While you're at it, why don't go you knitting or something?

The Sydney funnel-web spiders are  medium to large in size, (in spider terms) which honestly doesn't matter due to the fact that you'll find yourself in the fetal position regardless of their size. The spiders are usually glossy dark, ranging from dark blueberry to dark apricot colors. Thanks to nature, the spiders are practically hairless, which allows the spider to come off with the famed black glossy finish on its body. Just like a well-waxed head, without the lethal venom thing though.

These spiders commonly create burrow-retreats in which the entrance appears to look like a "funnel" due to the amount of webbing that the spider usually creates. Instead of making some type of lame floating web between a few branches or corners, these spiders prefer to make their homes in small burrows in which they fill up with web to make a tube-shapes.

The arrow indicates where hell begins.
Monday, November 21, 2011

3 Things You Didn't Know About Your Eyes

If you're reading this, you probably have the gift of vision. (If you don't, you should write me a letter that details your magical abilities of sight without using your eyes.) As you know from your mom, your eyes are one of those miracles of life, a scope to the outside world and a mirror into the soul. But how much do you really know about the human eye other than the cones & rods system? Unless you're an eye care professional, I suggest you to read on!

Eye professional? Hahahaha.

3. Your eyes are fully developed by age seven

You may have noticed that kids under the age of six are usually forced to take eye exams to check their vision, after elementary school and middle school, they pretty much stop checking your vision. Why's that? Because after you're seven-years-old, your eyes are fully developed.

That's right. By the time you're seven-years-old, your eyes are at their tip-top quality that they'll ever be. After that age, the only direction your eyes can go is down. Other than occasionally repairing small cell loss every now and then, your vision will cease to improve. The height of your visionary capabilities would have hit the roof, and the only way it can go is down. Do you see what I'm trying to say? (Get it? 'See'? Nevermind.)

The reason they give such "extensive" vision tests before your eyes are fully developed isn't to mock your inferior vision, but to make sure your eyes are developing properly and to catch little disorders that can only be treated before your eyes are fully developed, such as lazy eye/Amblyopia. If it's caught early, it's still possible to achieve that 20/20 vision on your vision test and make your parents proud.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over my perfect vision."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Cassowary - Another Animal That Will Most Likely Rip You Apart

According to this title, this animal must be some type of fearless, muscular, super-dexterous animal capable of ripping you apart with his/her bear hands. What if I told you that the Cassowary was a shy, two limb bird that resembles a turkey to the untrained eye? Before you close this page in betrayed disgust, I assure you that this bird is fully capable of destroying you on the multiple levels.

I mean look at him, he looks like a little Bruce Lee incarnate.

The Casssowary is one of the heaviest known flightless birds in the world. They generally eat fruits, plants, grass, seeds, fungi, and the occasional small animal. Thanks to their diet, Cassowarys are known to be a keystone species in the rain forests because they help re-distribute seeds from fallen fruit after they eat them; they're known to eat fruit whole from apples to bananas. When eating however, they are territorial about their their land (up to 1,700 acres) and defend it for themselves and their mate.

So... What's the big deal? Why are these animals "likely to rip me apart?" Other than a few birds or rats every year, how do they pose a threat to me at all? Are they going to run after me and peck my eyes out in a stereotypical bird manner as depicted in cartoons, animes and humorous movie/TV scenes? Looks unlikely since I'm a highly sophisticated human that's capable of a few punches or two. The thing about Cassowaries is that they're known to be extremely shy animals towards humans unless they are disturbed. When the are "disturbed", they're fully capable of completely dominating you in footsies. (The bad kind.)
Friday, November 18, 2011

"Don't Bottle It Up" - Horrible Advice

Ever had a bad day? A bad week? A bad month? Does it get to you sometimes? Yeah? Here's some advice from good ol' licensed psychologist Joe from history class, "Don't bottle it up, man. Let yourself go and punch your pillow or something." Wow, Joe, thanks for the advice, I'll go relieve some of my stress now. But wait, is Joe giving me good advice that will benefit me both psychologically and physically or is he just pulling another quote from the books and misinterpreting it entirely in order for me to go away with a acceptable reply/answer? Lets find out.

I don't know about you, but I trust that face.

In reality, "blowing off some steam" and "letting yourself go" is probably one of the worst advice you could ever get from someone that means well. Other than your friend Bill or Robert at english class, thousands of organizations have built real-life therapies for such people with this same concepts; examples would be stress balls and punching bags. But before you start swaying your hand at me in a disapproving and discrediting manner, hear me out.

If a person decides to express their anger and frustration regularly, they may find themselves more angry and frustrated than ever before. The act of taking out your anger by flipping your desk over a loud scream acts as a temporary relief from life's woes and troubles. But who would ever want it to be temporary, right? Why can't we live in the ecstasy of the moment forever? Either consciously or unconsciously, you may find yourself becoming "addicted" to the rush from smacking your boss across his smug face and begin to strive for that same relief you've felt before.

"I got you a gift, it's in the palm of my hand."
Wednesday, November 16, 2011

4 Tips On Surviving Prison

Ever wonder what you would do if you were sentenced to jail for a un-specified amount of time? Well worry not! We've wondered the same things you've wondered in the past wonderment of wondering. Thanks to our grueling hours of research, you can now learn four lessons of prison, before you get there! Don't worry about paying us back, we'll put it on your tab.

4. Never become indebted to anyone

Let's say that you just got sentenced to jail for money laundering and you get off the prison bus with a confident mind set and rushing adrenaline in your veins. You stroll into the jail and the first guy you meet offers you a calming box of cigarettes and/or some naughty magazines to help you get on your feet. Isn't that nice? Maybe jail isn't that bad after all? Maybe these inmates are excited to meet you and become friends to help you get back on your feet and back home in one piece?

Pictured: Jail

Chances are, they're trying to take advantage of you. After accepting the item or service they offered for "free", they may come back later for a favor or task to make you both "even". If you refuse, they'll have a justified reason to beat you up every day until you can cough out the dough. This trick is extremely common for many first-time prisoners that have yet to learn the ropes and cogs of the prison social structure and economy. After becoming indebted to someone without the ability to pay them back, you'll be lucky to simply be beaten up. You never know they if take you as the payment (or until you can make the payment) and use you for sexual favors or "sell" you to other more ambitious inmates.

With that in mind, never gamble in prison. While you may have had a hot streak in that casino back in 09', if you find yourself unable to pay for your gambling bills, you won't simply receive a stern notice from the casino. Instead, prisoners will do practically anything to get the money you owe them. But on the other hand, if you're an expert card player, you should avoid gambling even more than before. If you start winning like it's your birthday, they may suspect you of cheating and beat the crap out of you and steal your money. You never know.

Unless "winning like it's your birthday" means going broke after five minutes to you.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Horrifying Tuesday: Premature Burial

As you may have noticed, we haven't had a "Horrifying Tuesday" segment since 1753! Thankfully, we will today! Instead of making an excuse relating to brainstorming a truly horrifying topic, I'll tell you the truth. I literally could not find the right topic to talk about. From super-sized crabs to crazy freak of natures, almost nothing compares to the fate of dying due to "premature burial". Even while  movies and TVs have you on the end of your seat praying that the main character will make it out alive, it's extremely difficult to capture the true essence of being buried alive.

This game on the other hand, captures the minute details of premature burial.

If you were declared legally dead and buried, your death would most likely be cause by suffocation. But what exactly does it mean to be suffocated to death? You'll probably just smack around for a few hours before succumbing to a familiar warm feeling of death, right? Unsurprisingly, it can be one of the most horrifying ways to die in the book of methods of dying.

Unless you wake up in a coffin full if angry dwarves with knives, you'll probably die from carbon dioxide poisoning and lack of oxygen in general. Every breath you take will further assure your slow and painful demise. If you thought that dying in a coffin would be comparable to slowly passing away in your sleep, you would be wrong, dead wrong.

Because you'll be dead.

Monday, November 14, 2011

3 Things I Hate About Fall/Winter

As much as I love the cold compared to the blistering heat, there are some things about the season that I'm not very happy about. While this might come as a surprise to you, Fall and Winter aren't perfect despite what we crank them up to be. Sure, you can sleep comfortably and avoid the sweltering heat, but that doesn't mean there aren't any compromises.

1. Day Light Savings

We all know what day light savings is. It's that time of the year to switch your clocks back an hour. Just kidding, your magical technological contraptions will do it themselves! Anyways, we can all agree that getting an extra hour to sleep on Saturday is one of those little gifts from life to give you a break, right? So what's so bad about it? Does the Skyakes Staff hate rest? Do we have something against sleep and extra time?

Somebody stop that dog! Won't anyone think of the children?!

The problem with day light savings is that the benefits don't last forever. After getting a nice hour of extra sleep, what then? We suddenly change our minds and switch our clocks forward and call it a day? Of course not; we have to live with it until summer. Suddenly, we have to endure extremely bright mornings that feel like afternoons and late afternoons that look like sunsets.

Along with the region's seasonal day changes, the hour set-back pushes days to start earlier and end earlier. By the time you're leaving work or school, the sun is waving you goodbye and you end up stuck with lame ol' moon for the rest of your "leisure" time before the next full day of work.

Go away! Nobody wants you!
Saturday, November 12, 2011

3 Food Label Trickeries To Sell You Food

Around the world there's one thing we all have in common, we eat food. Unless you're illiterate, dead, or both, you've probably seen pre-packaged food with fancy labels that exclaim how healthy and good it is for you. But since your mother told you to not believe everything you see on TV, we can probably apply it here as well. Can we really trust those large bolded text on the sides of our food? Maybe not.

3. Sugar-free, no added sugar, sugarless

Sugar-free?! I know you've made a joke at least once that included the sugar of the product is, free. Very funny buddy but let's leave the funnies to me. Anyways, what exactly does "sugar-free" mean? Well Norman, it obviously means that there isn't any sugar in it. Said you in your head. But does it mean that the product is healthier for you? Isn't sugar the main cause for obesity, tooth-decay, and diabetes?!

Don't do it Mr.Ant! You'll get tooth decay and diabetes!

Sure, you're right. Absolutely right. But hold on, how do they make "Mr.Awesome's Super Sweet Chocolate of Indulgence" without adding sweet delectable sugar? By adding artificial sweeteners, that's how. Instead of natural, wholesome sugar, we have artificially sweeten snacks that may have the same amount of calories if not more compared to sugar-sweeten foods and drinks. Not only that, but we have no idea how harmful the artificial sweeteners may be to our bodies, as far as you know it can possibly be even more harmful than sugar.

But hold on, I can't possibly say "Eat sugar! Sugar is good for you!" as I get paid by the pro-sugar lobbyist, right? Yes. I can. In reality, while sugar is still a major cause of obesity and other major health conditions, sugar doesn't force itself down your throat and prevent you from practicing healthy life practices such as exercise, healthy dieting, and life management. Deciding to drink sugar-free Pepsi on Friday doesn't make you any more healthier than normal Pepsi on Monday if you eat six pounds of lard at lunch everyday.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy Veterans Day!

As most of you know, today's Veterans Day. A day to remember and honor the veterans that have fought for this great country's security and goals. The fact that we still stand here today is thanks to the sacrifice of the millions of servicemen that risked life and limb to secure our country's future. Hopefully, we can put ourselves out of the picture for a moment, and pay our respects to our quiet benefactors and have a private moment of silence for them.


As a small history lesson, Veterans Day actually started out as "Armistice Day", which only celebrated the veterans of World War 1 at the time. It was first introduced on November 11, 1919 when President Woodrow Wilson first introduced "Armistice Day" as a holiday for the American people to honor it's World War 1 Veterans. However, it took almost 19 years before "Armistice Day" was proclaimed a legal holiday. What took so long?

Painting depicting the signing of the armistice with Germany.

15 years later on 1953, a humble Kansas man named Alvin King thought that it would be a better idea to honor all the veterans in history instead of just a single war's veterans. Alvin decided to begin a campaign to change Armistice Day to "All" Veterans Day. Thankfully, the Emporia Chamber of Commerce decided to support the cause after finding 90% of their Emporia merchants as well as the Board of Education willingness to close their doors on November 11 for this holiday. Only a year later on 1954, with help from U.S. Rep. Ed Rees, the bill for Veterans Day was thrown into Congress and bounced onto the President Dwight D. Eisenhower's lap. It was signed into law on May 26, 1954 and put into effect on June 1st.

So now that you know how the holiday was created and because you probably know a thing or two about American history, instead of treating this day as just another "vacation" day, let's remember the men and women that have fought and are still fighting for our past, present and future security.


Did You Know: While "Veteran's Day" and "Veterans' Day" are both grammatically acceptable, the United States government declared that "Veterans Day" shall be the official spelling.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011

3 Things You Suspect About The Witness Protection Program - That Aren't True

Talk about long titles eh? Anyways, we all probably know what the Witness Protection Program is; a worthless program to create a false sense of protection for snitches so that we can extract information out of them, right? We've all seen those TV shows and movies where they track down the snitch within a single episode's time and kill the snitch as he/she begs for mercy with their white collar family in a sub-urban home, but is it true? Well it's about time to shine some light into the Witness Protection Program once and for all.

3. The Witness Protection Program is a hack!

Many people believe that the Witness Protection Program is equivalent to calling yourself Timmy and hiding in your closet. At most, the program will simply give you a different name and re-locate you a few miles south! Even at that, the police are as corrupt as a giant rocks balancing on larger stationary rocks! They'll give up your location at a heart's beat!

You got me. I only made made that simile so that I could use this image.

In reality, not a single member of the Witness Protection Program has ever been harmed while they followed the guidelines of the program. That's right. As long as you don't call your friends back in prison to tell them how you got away and how lame they are, you've gotten away scot-free. Which brings me to my next point.
"U.S. Marshals Service Witness Security personnel are the leading authorities and foremost experts on witness security matters, providing guidance and training to many government officials throughout the world."[1]

Monday, November 7, 2011

4 Suggestions To Pull Off The Perfect Crime

While we don't endorse crime, haven't we all thought, "Hey, I wonder how I would pull off the perfect murder" or "Wow, that criminal's stupid, I would have totally done it this way" at one point of our lives? Of course! Can't blame you! But before you stroll around like the perfect criminal, why don't you read some of the following suggestions to help you pull off the perfect crime? Ahem, I mean "business meeting". Pull off the perfect "business meeting".
"Business meeting"

4. Go With Generics
You know those people that dress for murder? Those people are probably already in jail right now, so lets completely disregard them. One of the first things you can before you plan to rob a store or murder someone is, make sure that none of your tools or possessions can link you to the crime. 

When collecting evidence, forensic scientists classify evidence as either individualized evidence or class evidence. Individualized evidence directly links a specific person to a crime while class evidences only narrows down the possible suspects to a specific group or "class" of people. Wouldn't it be better if any evidence found in the crime scene can only link people with Nike shoes to the crime scene to opposed to people with hand-crafted shoes made out of extremely rare material only found from a specific region of the world?

If you're a horse, then you're on your own.

When purchasing clothing and tools to commit a crime, it's generally better to use 'new' and extremely common clothing and tools in order to increase the possible suspects of a crime, therefore reducing the chance of being caught red-handed the instant you leave the crime scene. Using 'new' generic items also assists your cause because any scuff marks on the "item" can make that item individualized evidence. For example, if you have a giant cut in the sole of your left shoe, your shoe print will mark out that special cut in extreme detail for your criminal investigators.
Saturday, November 5, 2011

Vasili Arkhipov: The Other Man That Saved The World From Nuclear Holocaust

We've all heard of Stanislav Petrov, the man that helped avoid global nuclear warfare, (If not, you should read about him here) but what about Vasili Arkhipov? The man that both figuratively and physically had a button in front of him that could potentially start World War 3 in a split moment? What about that guy? Well worry not, we're going to discuss this handsome man right, now.

Pictured: Vasili Arkipov
At the time, Vasili Alexandrobich Arkhipov was probably another run-of-the-mill Soviet naval officer working in nuclear-armed submarine. No, I don't mean a submarine with cartoon arms that spell "nuclear". I mean a full-blown submarine with nuclear weapons on-board. Thankfully, the submarine was oceans away from America, and posed no threat to anyone. It's also a surplus that war was not imminent and that tensions were at ease as ever. Oh wait, it was right next to Cuba, (Near Florida) during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

On October 27, 1962, eleven United States Navy destroyers along with an aircraft carrier, trapped a mysterious foreign submarine near Cuba. The little brigade of ships decided to drop practice depth charges near the submarine to force it up to the surface for identification. Hopefully, this little submarine would comply and simply float up to the surface, identify itself as a Soviet submarine, and receive a kind escort back to the Soviet Union with a fun tea party afterwards.

"Hurray for communism!"